


Parade Rest

by TheWeirdOnes



Category: Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Dialogue-Only, Gen, Humour, Not a Crossover, One-Shots, mainly features 501st and 212th, possible crack in places, will contain stormtroopers in some chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-13 10:14:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28776633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWeirdOnes/pseuds/TheWeirdOnes
Summary: So many long hours during declarations and time spent simply waiting for their jetii to get their shebse together troopers are expected to stand in stoic silence, helmets on and blasters at their sides. However, under the masks there's a side of the troopers unseen by anyone but the vode; what conversations go on through the intercom systems of the Grand Army Of The Republic?Later chapters may surround stormtroopers, who I'm certain just stand around a whole lot more.-LowFlyingOctopus
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	1. Diplomatic Dinners

> "All that food looks amazing"
> 
> "Shiny, we're all hungry, you do not need to continue to make pointless comments about food we will never be allowed to taste!"
> 
> "I am _not_ a shiny"
> 
> "You sure _act_ like a shiny"
> 
> "Fives and Jesse, unless you have something important to say, please keep the scary contents of your shebse to yourselves"
> 
> "Yes captain"
> 
> "Yes captain"
> 
> "Wow get Rex'd!"
> 
> "Shut up Echo"
> 
> "Sorry captain"
> 
> * * *
> 
> "Could the General be any more obvious?"
> 
> "He's been staring at senator Amidala all evening"
> 
> "That's not our business, Tup"
> 
> "What the force! He actually just _winked_!"
> 
> "Oh. My. Word"
> 
> "She's winking back!"
> 
> "I'm going to be sick"
> 
> "GuysGeneralKenobihasusopenonalivechannel"
> 
> **"WHAT!!!"**
> 
> "Ha! You actually fell for it!!"
> 
> "Not. Funny."
> 
> "Hardcase!"
> 
> "Hardcase the second we get back to the barracks you are doomed"
> 
> "Ya going to go into details there Kix?"
> 
> "No."
> 
> "Scary"
> 
> "This is why medics are the most horrifying troopers in the Gar"
> 
> * * *
> 
> "How long will this go on for?!"
> 
> "Quit moaning!"
> 
> "That food's starting to look really good now!"
> 
> "Look, we've been through this-"
> 
> "Guys shut up! I think the dignitary from Ryloth is about to say something interesting!"
> 
> "Really?!"
> 
> "No way!"
> 
> **"SSHHH"**
> 
> "A yawn?"
> 
> "What an anticlimax" 
> 
> "Maybe they're as bored as we are"
> 
> "I wouldn't hold to hope, Vod"
> 
> * * *
> 
> "Zzzzz" 
> 
> _**"Echo!"** _
> 
> _**"WAKE UP!"** _
> 
> _**"dI'KUT, SOMEONE WILL NOTICE!"** _
> 
> "Zzzzz"
> 
> _**"ECHO!"** _
> 
> "OH FOR FORCE'S SAKE"
> 
> "Is he leaning on you?"
> 
> "Yup, he's... AAargh- my FOOT! He's a lot heavier than he looks.
> 
> "Has anyone noticed yet?" 
> 
> "Coast's clear Cap!"
> 
> "Never call me that again"
> 
> "Yessir"
> 
> "And to 'cap' it all off-"
> 
> "HARDCASE!"
> 
> "We have a problem"
> 
> "What problem?"
> 
> "Dinner's over"
> 
> "Which would be great, if we didn't have to wake Echo up for the salute"
> 
> "Drat the di'kut"
> 
> **_"WAKE UP, ECHO"_ **
> 
> **_"WAKE UP!"_ **
> 
> **_"OPEN YOUR EYES!!"_ **
> 
> "Wait, I have an idea"
> 
> _**"ECHO, WE'RE ALLOWED TO EAT NOW!!"** _
> 
> _**"FOOD?"** _
> 
> "Whew, well done Fives"
> 
> "Just in time for the salute"
> 
> **_"WAIT FIVES LET ME GET MY LEGS WORKING BEFORE YOU-"_ **
> 
> "Err.. Echo, that is not a regulation salute"
> 
> "The floor needed a hug"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No troopers sustained brain damage during the writing of this fic...  
> This was a pretty short chapter to start off on, but I wanted to get this idea off my head.  
> -LowFlyingOctopus


	2. Ceremonies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stormtroopers do a lot more standing around that the clones ever did, guard duty, parades and comitees are all part of a trooper's daily life. But beneath that bucket, what is the faceless army really like?  
> -LowFlyingOctopus

> "How long are we going to be here for?"
> 
> "I've lost track, how long have we already _been_ here for?"
> 
> "3362 and 5549, can I ask that you observe proper protocol in this situation and speak only when authorised by a superior unless the statement is rhetorical"
> 
> "Yes sir"
> 
> "Sorry _sir_ "
> 
> "I can't believe it '62, all that training, all those long years of instructors screaming in our faces and we get dumped on this dustball, in the middle of **nowhere** and we have ourselves **superiors** who talk like **_droids_**!"
> 
> "Trooper 5549 I can only assume and _hope_ that you meant for your preceding comment to be addressed to 3362 via private chat?"
> 
> **This comment was censored due to** **imperial** **auto-screening**
> 
> "I'll take that as an affirmative, consider yourself on mouse droid recalibration duty once we've returned to the ship"
> 
> "Oof, wow '49"
> 
> "SIR"
> 
> "Do you know how long it takes to catch those things, let alone sort out all those fiddly little parts-"
> 
> "The calculated average for time taken to complete your task is four standard hours per mouse droid"
> 
> "I can't wait..."
> 
> * * *
> 
> "Can you believe those newbies?"
> 
> "Which newbies?"
> 
> "The ones we're here to see, you know the ceremony, the cadets..."
> 
> "Oh, those newbies. What about them?"
> 
> "I've been looking at their stats - 'cos I'm bored - their target shooting accuracy is down 30% as an average"
> 
> "No way"
> 
> "Yes way 5549, they're going to be blown to bits!"
> 
> "Our rating was at least 47% accuracy, I take it the higher-ups decided to favour numbers over efficiency, huh?"
> 
> "Seems that way"
> 
> "Statistically we outnumber the 'rebellion', but I hope they don't practise accuracy"
> 
> "It'll sure make our job easier if they don't"
> 
> "Troopers 5549 and 3362, this is the second interruption during this ceremony and regulations dictate a third disruption must have consequences"
> 
> "Yessir"
> 
> "Understood sir"
> 
> * * *
> 
> "I'm so bored I'd shoot a rancor if only for some entertainment right now"
> 
> "You know you'd miss"
> 
> "Shut up"
> 
> "I agree with '62, _please_ shut up"
> 
> "SIR"
> 
> "Is addressing subordinates in such a manner regulation?
> 
> "Probably not, _trooper_ ; but at this point I'm too fed up to care. So **_can it_** "
> 
> "I knew you weren't a droid deep down sir"
> 
> "We just had to push you to find it"
> 
> "Regulations may dictate the manner I address you but they also dictate the severity of your punishments; which you should by _very_ grateful for"
> 
> "Is violence regulation, '49?"
> 
> " '62 we happen to be imperial stormtroopers, violence _is_ our regulation"
> 
> "That should be a catchphrase or something"
> 
> _**"SIR"** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got to give it to the bucketheads, this was fun to write. 3362 and 5549 will definitely be turning up in later chapters, along with 'Sir'.
> 
> This update is a little late, whoops! home learning is making cramming everything in so much more difficult than it needs to be; my next update will be featuring the palace guards, see you soon!  
> -LowFlyingOctopus


End file.
